The Last Encounter

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‘I love you’ were the last words said

it was the night before you bled 

by morning, I missed dad’s calls

as you laid between bathroom walls
blood vessels bursted in your head

‘I love you’ were the last words said

massive bleeding flooded your brain

the thought of this, drove me insane
doctors said you wouldn’t make it

that prognosis didn’t seem fit

‘I love you’ were the last words said

intubated and face all red
I sang all night and prayed with might

til the sun came to smear its light

last breath …. spirit rose from the bed

‘I love you’ were the last words said. 
©2017 Liza Morales 
#QuaternPoetry

RIP Mom 4/8/51 – 4/3/08

Parent of a College Freshman

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Today is Thursday, August 25, 2016.. my son’s first day of college.

I look at him and realize I am living in another generation. I too, like him, graduated high school and entered college at the age of 17. At that point in my life, I wasn’t totally certain what I wanted to do but I definitely knew I was going to be in the medical field. I’ve always found a level of gratification when caring for others. So, I attended Westchester Community College and graduated with an Associate degree in Radiologic Science. It was one of the best decisions I made. Working in the radiology field has enabled me to tend to people and make a difference in their lives.

I then decided to further my education and enrolled in CUNY Lehman College, just as my son has done. He has declared Accounting as his major. I have to say, this process is all very exciting. I revel in watching my children experience life. I enjoy witnessing, contributing and being part of their journey.

After observing myself, my thoughts and my feelings, I’ve become aware of my level of cognizance. I have not experienced the common anxiety that many parents go through during this time, which reveals to me I am on the right path. I am completely trusting in the journey. Ultimately, I realize that this is my son’s life and that my purpose is to simply love, teach and guide him but most importantly, support him. Support is key, especially during this crucial time in his life. I genuinely understand that he is entering an exploratory time. It is a time of discovery; a time of decision making; a time of building his future.

Generally, kids this age are confused and disconcerted with the transition. It is a major conduit into adulthood and as much as they want to be treated as an adult, they quickly learn that there’s a price to pay for this level of freedom and independence. As parents, we must respect the process and allow them the space for that growth. Their autonomy develops through our ‘letting go’. I know some parents who have a difficult time with this because they’re accustomed to keeping a tight grip on their children, even at this age but this must change and now is the time. We must understand that our children will make mistakes and sometimes enter a state of confusion or fear, just how we do. This is totally normal. The answer is to reassure them and remind them of their boundless capacity. Reassure them that everything will be okay and bolster their confidence with positive strokes. It is conducive to allow them to experience and err. That is the only way they will grow and maturate. Experience solicits observation, discernment, understanding, decision-making, critical thinking, vacillation and advancement for themselves. It would be a huge disservice to keep your parental leash tightened, in attempt to control their lives.

I am glad to know and acknowledge that his life is not mine. I am not his owner. He is my child and I am the vessel. There is a weightlessness in my life from recognizing and assenting this fact. Knowing who I am and my purpose in his life, allows me to interact and co-habitat with him more effectively. I understand that what I resist will only persist, so I aim to be like water, ever-flowing to life’s offerings. 

Another thing that I have quickly learned is that no matter how intense I’ve been with teaching and enlightening my son, there will be certain things he still feels differently about. As parents, it is us against the masses. Yes, we are their primary teachers and builders of foundation but ultimately, they will still have varying opinions and perspectives on certain matters because of the exposure they’ve had with the world .. and that’s okay. Sometimes, life lessons will be the teacher they need.

Trust and acceptance is fundamental at this stage for both parent and child. I am trusting in myself as a mother and all that I’ve applied in his upbringing from birth until now. I am trusting that he will implement the tools he has obtained in his life. I am accepting that he will make mistakes, yet trust he will find his way. I am accepting of who he is and who he’s blossoming to be. I am accepting of his choice to attend college and major in whatever moves him. 

I look forward to sharing this part of the journey and pray that my son and I are fortified enough to elevate in continual growth and consciousness.

Here’s to the first day of college!

I love you, Nilus.

Love Ripens Life 8/30

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after losing a daughter, I was conceived
she was relieved
breast feedings and soft whispers glued our bond
our hearts would respond
her precedence of unconditional love
blessing from above
our spirits, tight-knit like a glove
best friends who drowned in love and compassion
eliminating judgement of any fashion
she was relieved our hearts would respond, blessing from above.

©2016 Liza Morales

(Ovillejo poetry)

Happy Birthday,  Mom 🎂
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The Flood of 2008 (Haiku)

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fell to bathroom ground
she snored, he could not lift her
they dragged her body

dad, I missed your calls
sorry, I was in the gym
what’s wrong daddy, eh?

mom intubated
massive bleed, drowning in blood
irreversible

could not wrap this thought
choking – arduous swallow
I had to know it

blessed to be the one
connect, tears and songs all night
pulsing hearts — rhythm

prayers and hymns, I wept
sunrise, love surrounded us
we both surrendered.

 

© 2014 Liza Morales

 

[Today, six years ago, my mother collapsed in the bathroom from a brain hemorrhage, while dad was dying from cancer.
By the time she reached the hospital, it was proven that her life was coming to a sudden end. I stood with her, just she and I, for the last night of her life. I sang to her, sopped her with my tears, spoke words of encouragement and acceptance and finally let her go.
I miss my best friend.]